In Pace Christi

The pile of letters and testimonies that poured in after the death of Fr. Antonio are a proof of the esteem of confreres for this missionary. Fr. Domenico Zugliani prepared a 12-page booklet during Fr. Antonio's last days, and it was distributed in Mexico at the time of the funeral. However, it covered only the years the father had spent in Mexico.

Yet despite this chorus of praise (vox populi vox Dei), he himself felt he was a failure as a missionary; an inferiority complex that tormented him for most of his life.

Let us start with the testimony of Mgr. Giordani:

"I am sure that a cart-load of tributes will come in regarding Fr. Antonio. They will come from America, Africa and Europe.  would be his reaction. I can tell you that nobody was as convinced as Fr. Antonio of being a servus inutilis. The real missionary in the family was his brother, Fr. Francesco. Even a bishop told him that during a pilgrimage to Lourdes a couple of years ago, and Fr Antonio repeated it with humble conviction. Seeing Francesco with a long white beard, thin face and sickly appearance caused by tropical illnesses, His Lordship had declared - looking at Antonio, but pointing at Francesco:  

But the views of the bishop are not shared by those who lived and worked with Antonio and knew him well".

His brother speaks

And we have the testimony of Francesco himself: "Antonio suffered a lot, right from the war: having to run from the fighting, fear of the bombing and machine-gunning, having been put against the wall to be shot, with other members of the family, and more than once; and his health was never strong. Towards the end of Theology he had a very bad attack of pleurisy that left its mark for the rest of his life, bringing him to death's door and then causing several relapses later.

Since he was the youngest of seven, maybe he stayed at home a bit too long, under the care of both his mother and elder sister (and he complained about this at times) who seemed afraid to let him out of their sight.

When we were ordained, I - a bit older than he - went straight to the missions, in Bahr el Ghazal, so I became the only `real' missionary in the family because I was always in Africa. I was sorry people made him feel it, but what could I do? But all this influenced his personality, and maybe took away some of his freedom of expression, of action, of decisions. Yes, he became so weak, psychologically, that he would have gladly died.

He went to a learned and pious Jesuit psychoanalyst in Madrid to have this deep depression treated. After a while he regained his courage and faith in life and, with God's help, was able to take up his missionary journey, in Lower California."

Failed vet

The Rinaldi Ceroni family was well-off; they had a lot of good land. But although comfortable and hard-working, they had a good share of suffering. Francesco had married Luisa Fabbri, who had borne four children, of whom one, Alberto, died young. Then Francesco died, of the "Spanish flu'" that was such a scourge following the Great War. Luisa then married Antonio, her husband's brother, and they had three children: Franca, Fr. Francesco and Fr. Antonio.

The practice of their religion was a way of life in the Rinaldi Ceroni family. Antonio, for instance, never missed daily Mass, and never went by the church without popping in for a "visit". The Rosary was always part of the working day in the fields, and the family members never started or ended a day without their prayers.

All the children did higher studies. They became professors, doctors, teachers, and Francesco went off to the seminary. "This one," declared Antonio one day, looking at the last-born, "will be a Vet."

"Seems right," answered the mother. "With all the land and animals the Lord has given us, we need somebody who really knows about these things to keep the family business going."

And so it was decided. After his primary schooling, Antonio was sent off to the Salesian College at Faenza.

A missionary in the house

But there were certain events in the Rinaldi Ceroni household. On 21 October 1940, Francesco left the diocesan seminary at Imola to enter the Comboni Novitiate at Firenze. Antonio was then 13, and went with his parents to accompany his brother. Villa Pisa, the novitiate house, up in the hills of Fiesole in a sea of green, was like fairyland. But even more captivating were the old missionaries, with their experience of Africa, and now directing a great gang of young novices bursting with the joy of life... When they got home, and just before he returned to his college, he said: "My brother is really lucky!" But then the war came, and there were the serious terrors and flights from imminent danger in that Senio Valley that was fought over much more than other areas. His decision regarding his vocation had to be put on hold for quite a while.

Vocation

One day Antonio senior went to see Antonio junior in the college.

"I'm afraid your son is not cut out to treat cows and calves" said the Rector, abruptly.

"But that's not possible! We have it all planned in the family..."

"I have to tell you that your son has asked for permission to apply for the Comboni novitiate. An this is the right time for deciding on one's future: he's coming to the end of grammar school and he is doing well; but it is obvious that his head is full of other ideas."

The father took it with hardly a tremor. After all, if that was what his last-born was called to, who was he to stand in God's way? But he was shrewd too:

"What do you think father Rector? Is is a real vocation or is he just imitating his brother?"

The Rector considered the question for a while. Then: "I think that Antonio is called to be a priest. That is his road. But, before following the missionary route, I think he should try the diocesan seminary first."

So Antonio left the Salesian College at Faenza and entered the diocesan seminary at Imola. He stayed there for three years, before moving on to the novitiate of the Comboni Missionaries.

The evening before he set off, his mother burst out: "One, yes, but both... and so far away too! When I'm on my death-bed, which of my missionary sons will be there?" We can say at once that the Lord arranged things in such a way that when she died on 28 February 1972, Luisa had both her missionary sons there, along with other children.

The Lord has called them

And so Antonio, accompanied by both parents, entered the Novitiate on 6th October 1946. Once more he crossed the threshold of that house that had so entranced him six years previously: it was not to be his home! His intense joy at achieving what he had wanted for so long was tinged with some sadness: not so much that of leaving his parents, but the suffering it was causing them, especially his mother.

But although she shed tears as she kissed him goodbye, Luisa left the novitiate building with an intense joy building up in her heart. She was the mother of two missionaries, two evangelisers, two apostles...! And she was taken aback when the bishop of Imola, Bp. Benigno Carrara, to whom she had written about the missionary vocation of her two sons, asked her: "But why did you let them both go?" She answered meekly: "But Eccellenza, the Lord has called them..."

Fervent novitiate (a bit over-done)

During the first year of Novitiate the Novice Master was Fr. Stefano Patroni, a real gift of God, who joined religious fervour and the missionary spirit in a wonderful balance. Antonio soon found himself on the same wave-length, and grew in esteem of his Father Master.

"A young man full of enthusiasm for his vocation; he settled into the life of the novitiate immediately. He loves keeping the rules and is quite open in spiritual direction. An expansive character, sensitive and a bit shy. He is a bit impulsive in his actions and is quick-tempered, but gets over it quickly, too." This was Fr. Patroni's judgement after three months.

From the end of 1947, for the rest of the novitiate, Fr. Giovanni Audisio took over from Fr. Patroni. He too was full of missionary experience and very open towards his young charges.

"Antonio has enthusiasm and the good will of youth - I'd say even of a child, with some childish elements. The simplicity of his obedience is admirable, but without much thought as to what the order is. He passed this year's tests very well in school. He accepts remarks and tries to act on them. He is so precise in observing the rules and customs of the Novitiate that he often seems to be overdoing it".

On 9th September 1948, Feast of St Peter Claver, and with these credentials, Antonio made his first Religious Profession

A prophecy

The next step was to Venegono, for Theology. The remarks in reports on this period of study only underline what the Novice Masters had said. "He tends towards great generosity, and will sacrifice himself for others... He makes the utmost effort in his studies and in every one of his other duties... He is even too generous and solicitous with his confreres. He adapts to anyone and loves them all... He willingly takes on any office that requires sacrifice... Great spirit of generosity (this phrase underlined)." And lastly, his short-coming: "He is impulsive and lively, but he works hard at self-control".

In case all this makes him seem fanatical, let us quote another remark: "His commitment to holiness, although very decisive and active, is balanced. But I do think he needs to be kept in check in his desire for holiness, or he will ruin his health." These last words have a certain air of prophecy.

Priesthood

Among a great crowd of Comboni candidates and diocesan seminarians, Antonio was ordained in the Duomo of Milan by Cardinal Schuster on 30 May 1953.

In a small jotting, perhaps not meant for other eyes, Fr Medeghini wrote: "I think he is the best of the 15 fathers ordained on 30th May. He will be of great good use to the Congregation".

His first appointment was to the Comboni junior seminary at Trento, as teacher, assistant and Spiritual Father of the boys. He was there until 1960, though with an ominous break of two years (54-56) at Bologna for health reasons.

From 1960 to 1962 he was assistant in the parish served by the Combonis in Napoli. As with the boys in Trento, the people of Naples soon learned to love him, because "he shows he loves people, especially the neediest".

In the red

It was another great shock when the superiors posted him to Spain in 1962, to work in the editorial offices of the Comboni magazine there. "I have been a priest 9 years," he wrote to his brother, "and it seems the road to the missions is shut to me!"

The nine years in Italy had been a time of crosses and pain. Suffering brought by his health, but above all by the his inability to fit into the work given him by his superiors. On the spiritual level he got through the period because he lived the situations in a great spirit of faith and of obedience. "This is God's will for me", he would repeat to himself.

But on the stress level the experience dug deep into his soul, even though he kept his child-like demeanour of serenity, and an honest attitude of service - all of which led his superiors to take his declarations of inability as acts of humility.

Spanish steps

At San Sebastian he was put into the administration of the magazine Aguiluchos. And Fr. Farè later asked him to take over as editor.

"I have really done my best to try to carry out this new task, but I really feel incapable of it. It is definitely beyond my abilities. Even in administration, Bro Blanes is much better than me. So I took up promotion in colleges, but with such poor results that I lost courage, and I decided: it's useless, I'm wasting time and the petrol money. Even when I do mission appeals I seem to get very poor results. I was never a great preacher, and do not find that words come easily. Then there is the language that I still do not know very well..."

This outpouring to the Superior General (Fr. Briani) in December 1964 gives a glimpse into the state of mind of our confrere.

We cannot blame the superiors if they did not move him at once, because, despite his declarations that he had no ability, Fr. Farè said: "He is doing well in everything. All lacks is a bit of self-confidence".

"I find consolation in the fact," he wrote to his brother, "that this period is a training school for me in preparation for the mission in Latin America. I would have preferred Africa, like Comboni, but America will do, as long as I can do some good".

In Baja California

When he arrived in Mexico in 1956, Fr Antonio's one desire was to go into direct pastoral work. He was given just one year of fruitful apostolate in San José del Cabo, entrusted with Cabo san Lucas as well. Then he was sent to the seminary of San Francesco del Rincòn as spiritual director.

Course in Rome

In 1971 he did the Renewal Course in Rome. The old devil climbed on his back again. Examining his life, he wrote: "I am with confreres who have been in the missions in Africa and Brazil. I note their great missionary experience, and a human maturity I do not possess. Comparing myself to them, ".

The Superior General, to try to satisfy his desire for "real mission", offered him Ecuador, though he felt he had to remind him that the confreres in Mexico were anxiously awaiting his return. "I leave you a free choice", he concluded, at the end of their conversation.

A mother's blessing

During those days (February 1972) his mother lay dying. But she knew he was agonising over his choice. When he was at her bedside, she put her hand on his head, and told him: "Go back to Lower California. I will protect you from Heaven." And she blessed him.

In July of that year Fr. Antonio was back in Baja California, PP of the shrine of La Paz.

One day he had to ask Mgr. Giordani to replace him in the parish with someone younger and stronger. Monsignor gave him his wish, and moved him to his own residence at Cd. Constitucion, where Fr. Antonio soon seemed fully content, busy in simple, direct pastoral work among the people.

However, another sacrifice was asked of him in 1975: to go to Guadalajara as spiritual director in the seminary. He went, as the saying goes, with a smile on his lips, and death in his heart.

Praying Friends of the Mission

During his home leave in 1977, Fr. Antonio went on pilgrimage to the Holy Land. When he returned, the Superior General proposed a period of rotation in the Italian Province, doing missionary animation from the Bari community.

As we know, his supreme rule was obedience to God through the orders of his superiors. So he went to Bari. There, with Dr. Giulio Menegatti, a friend of the community and an animator himself, he started a movement of Praying Friends of the Missions, which today counts thousands of persons who offer their prayers and sufferings for the missions. A small magazine, now in its 19th year, links all those enrolled.

Besides this initiative, he also kept in close personal touch with many friends and benefactors, increasing their number and enthusiasm.

Trial

After two years of fine work at Bari, he was assigned to Spain in 1980, to do animation work. The change, and the ever-present doubt regarding his ability, threw him into deep depression. "It seems that death would be a good solution for me, since I have never done anything good in my life," he wrote. Praise from superiors and confreres, no matter how sincere, was always taken by him to be an act of charity, a covering-up of his failings.

In Spain this wound opened and, as mentioned at the beginning, he had to turn to Fr. Vicente Alcalá SJ, for psychological therapy. It was successful in restoring a measure of confidence in himself and in his abilities, but it could not remove the fears entirely. The rest of his life was a continual cross and martyrdom because of this.

Animator in the Cuernavaca novitiate

In 1982 he was sent to the novitiate at Cuernavaca (Mexico) for missionary animation. Fr. Antonio put forward his objections, but added: "It is necessary to go through many tribulations to enter the Kingdom of God".

After a period at Cuernavaca he went on to Monterrey, in the same job. But the climate there caused him problems with his lungs.

During his last holidays in Italy in 1992, he wrote to the Provincial in Mexico: "I hope to be back in Mexico as soon as possible. I have a lot of limitations, and the community that accepts me will have to be very patient."

Poverty

Though he came from a fairly rich family, Antonio lived his poverty, making do with the bare necessities, never complaining about food or clothing, or his room or whatever was provided for his ministry.

Like his brother, he decided to give up all claims on his inheritance, in favour of the Institute, and wrote a letter to this effect from the parish of Our Lady of Lourdes, where he was based, on 21 September 1991.

Even during his holidays he would send in his monthly accounts to the superior, and would ask for the traditional "little permissions". It is moving to find these little scraps among his papers, witnesses to his spirit of poverty.

Final stages

In 1988 Fr. Antonio did another renewal course in Rome and set off for Mexico. He was at Ciudad Insurgientes until 1990, then went to Ciudad Constitucion until 1994. Then his final ascent of Calvary began.

At the beginning of May 1994 he was in Verona for medical treatment, boosted by blood transfusions. Here the full nature of the disease was identified: multiple myeloma, or a tumour of the spine. His reaction was that of always: acceptance of the will of God, even if this time it was leading to death.

"It costs me," he wrote, "but I ask the Lord for understanding of the value of suffering for the salvation of the world and for our Province of Mexico.

For as long as he could he made himself useful in the Sick Confreres Centre, pushing wheelchairs, keeping them company, and even helping the cleaners. One day, meeting the obituary writer in the corridor, he said:

"Will you do me a favour?" "Two, if I can," was the reply.

"When my turn comes, just put my date of birth, of ordination and of my death. There's nothing else to say about me."

Testament

His brother Fr. Francesco went to see him before returning to Zaire, and asked if he had any special message for superiors or confreres. He answered:

"Tell them I am very happy to be a Comboni Missionary: I have never regretted it. I have always been treated well, both here and in other places, especially by the nursing Brothers who look after me, and the medical staff at Borgo Roma hospital."

On 11th February 1995 he had written:

"Father, the hour has come... So, Jesus' hour was his Passion, death and Resurrection. In that case, death is the most wonderful day of one's life! I am writing, dear friends, to ask you to help me, through your prayers, to discover the meaning of pain and of death itself... I need God's grace to accept it and offer my life serenely, day by day.

The cancer I have within me is de-calcifying my bones. It causes a lot of pain and problems with walking, so that I need crutches.

God has provided all his sick missionaries need. We must really thank Providence for all the assistance the 30 patients - 16 in wheelchairs - receive here in the Mother House in Verona. Charity reigns here indeed.

We feel bound to pray daily and to offer our sacrifices for our benefactors, because it is due to them that we are so well provided for.

I am becoming aware that God, like a good teacher, is steadily preparing me for the supreme moment. It is in sickness that we come to realise that the true agent in our life-story is the Lord.

The grace I ask for each day is not to be cured, but to have the strength to accept God's will for me, with serenity. While our crops was green, we felt able for anything. But now that the heads are ripe and the grain is dry, God grinds it and makes it into food for others. Pray that I may mature completely under God's sun."

A true missionary

It was 31 March 1995, and Easter was approaching. Antonio was critically ill. Next to the bed, Francesco wondered whether to stay or not. They were praying. Then Antonio said: "Francesco, I can't go to the missions, because I'm coming to my end. Go, and do the good I cannot do any more. May Our Lady bless you and lead you safely to your mission."

"This is a very bad time to leave you!"

"Easter is coming. Your people in Zaire need your ministry. God back, and don't worry about me. There are people looking after me here." And, after a long pause: "When we became missionaries, we put souls before our feelings and our fears. Seeing you go will hurt, but it has all been counted in the balance... Another thing: I don't want to be buried at Casola, but here in the Comboni tomb; because this is my family."

Francesco knelt by the bed, and they prayed for a long time. They heard each other's confession and gave absolution - not just brothers, but two missionaries ministering to each other. Then they embraced and, with a "See you in Heaven!", they parted: one on the way to Heaven and the other off to Zaire.

Incredibly, Fr. Antonio held on until 17 June. The final week was a long agony, spent more or less in coma, with constant attendance at his bedside, his sisters Franca joining the Brother nurses.

His message

In a reflection on his brother's death, Fr. Francesco wrote in the local newsletter: "I would like to say this to the YOUNG readers of Nuovo Diario: Look, a lot of missionaries left from this valley in the past. Casola and the other parishes have given many bishops, priests and apostles to take the name of Christ into the world. Dear boys and girls, make the good seed bear fruit! Let some of you stand up and say joyfully to Jesus: "Here I am, Lord; send me!" You will be truly happy, as Fr. Antonio was, and as I am too, in my mission of Dungu (Zaire).

At the news of Fr. Antonio's death, Bishop Giuseppe Fabiani of Imola wrote: "In Fr Antonio I had the example of the true missionary, of a soul burning with love for Christ".

This soul burning with love for Christ shared the passion of the Master, not just in the last months of a very painful illness, but for the whole of his priestly and missionary life, lived with inner suffering, though accepted in a real perspective of faith, that made him seem one of the most serene persons on earth. "The Cross forms great souls and makes them able to endure and to do great things for the glory of God and the salvation of souls", wrote Comboni. Fr. Antonio made of this principle his way of life. (Fr. Lorenzo Gaiga, mccj)