Vocation: A Journey Through the Winter Fog

If you asked me, “When did you first know you had a calling from God?” or “How did your vocation begin?” To be honest, I don’t have a clear and perfect explanation of how or when God first called me. Surely, there was no loud voice from the sky, and no sudden flash of light. But when I look back on my childhood, some beautiful memories always come to mind.

I remember being a little boy, sitting in the church pews and looking at priests celebrate the Holy Mass. I thought to myself that I wanted to become like them, though I didn’t even understand what the word “vocation” meant. I was just an innocent child, so full of this desire that I would go home and repeat some formulas of the mass with murmuring words by myself.

Moreover, I did not walk this path alone. God placed me in a family that warmly nourished my vocation from the very beginning. At home, watching my parents and siblings who made sacrifices for one another, I learned the true meaning of love and patience. At the same time, I was blessed to grow up in a wonderfully devout parish community, where for several years I served in the Church as a choir member. Serving my community in those quiet and humble ways watered the tiny seed of my vocation.

Dilemma

However, as years went by, I started university, which was the most difficult period of my life. Suddenly, the world felt so loud that I found myself in a dilemma. I asked God and myself, what should I do with my life? Should I choose to live the religious life or get married?

I desperately wanted a clear sign. I wanted God to give me an immediate answer so I could feel safe, but the answer didn’t come that way. However, as graduation day approached, I realized I couldn’t keep questioning it forever, so I had to make a choice. Even though I was still full of doubts and wasn’t entirely convinced of God’s plan for me, I stopped trying to push an answer and simply listened to my heart. Deep down, my heart preferred a religious life to other options. So, with a trembling but hopeful heart, I chose this way of life.

When I reflect on those difficult days of decision-making, an image suddenly comes to mind: the thick fog of a cold winter morning. When we stand in heavy fog, we cannot see the road ahead clearly. The only way to get through it is to be brave, trusting our feet and eyes, and taking one step forward into the unknown. It is only after we take that step that the next part of the path reveals itself, little by little.

My vocation journey has been exactly like that path in the midst of winter fog. God has never shown me my whole future at once. Instead, He only asks me to trust Him for the step I am on right now. And every time I have been brave enough to say Yes to Him, He has opened up beautiful and wide horizons that I never could have dreamed of on my own. So, the longer I walk on this path, the less I worry about the question, “What is my calling?” Instead, my heart cares much more about a question: “Am I following God today?”

First Vietnamese

Today, I am living my dream as a Comboni missionary. As the first Vietnamese Comboni missionary, I’m told, “You have to be an example for others.” Hearing that makes me feel very humble, and I am so grateful to God for letting me be the first one. Being the first Vietnamese Comboni Missionary does not, however, carry much pride because, at the end of the day, being a Comboni missionary isn’t about being “the first” or well-known. It is simply about having a servant’s heart and bringing the wonderful love and Good News of God to Peoples.

With around 12 years in the formative stages, one year of preparation for my Perpetual Vows, and three months as a priest, when I look back on my vocation journey, my eyes fill with tears of gratitude. These years are not just numbers to be counted, and they aren’t trophies for my own hard work. They are pure gifts of God’s grace. Indeed, God didn’t call me to this path so I could achieve my own goals. He called me so that I could live my life safely inside His love.

Father Peter Khoa Nguyen Van Tien, MCCJ